Avoiding the Moving Blues
Relocating can be difficult for people at any age. For seniors it can be extra challenging, or even life threatening depending upon the situation. This post will focus on moves whose catalyst was to provide a little more support for someone currently living independently. This could mean moving from a home to an independent living community, or from one community to another, in order to be closer to family who can help with the chores of daily living. There is an often more serious move situation, where a senior needs to move into a nursing home. In these situations, the move is often abrupt and less considered. These situations often result in “relocation stress syndrome” (RSS), or sometimes “transfer trauma”. We’ll cover that in a later post.
No matter how you cut it, helping a senior transition from one home to another will take a lot of your time. If you’re working, you’ll need to take vacation time during and after the move. If you can enlist other family members to help in a tag-team approach, it’ll take stress off of a single individual.
Before the Move
If you can help remember all of the things that need to be done in advance of the move, you’ll minimize the stress that comes from discovering the forgotten detail. Make sure all of the “turn offs” and “turn ons” are scheduled. File a change-of-address form with the post office. They should notify everyone they have an account with, utility, including credit cards, insurance, and so on, as the statements come in the month before. The post office has a “Movers Guide” here. Check out our seniors moving post here for ways to notify Medicare, the IRS and more. The more things that you can have go like clockwork, the better. After that, don’t sweat the small stuff.
During the Move
Of course you and the movers, be they professional or family, will want to be as efficient as possible. But, if you’re all business, you’ll be missing an opportunity to attend to needs of the person moving. Take time for conversation. Reminisce about family events. Talk about friends and family, or what’s going on in the world. Good breaks for food and conversation will be good breaks from the uncertainty that goes along with moving to a new location.
Moving In
It would be easy to be all business while moving it. It’s a lot of work. Moving-in time is an opportunity to help your senior to get to know their neighbors. There’s a lot of time spent in public places–in the halls and in front of the building–that gives you the opportunity to introduce your senior to their new neighbors. This is where you have to be a little more gregarious than normal. Get their name. Ask them about the neighborhood. Ask them a question that your senior genuinely wants to know, because they’ve been in the same situation before and most people will recognize how disorienting things can be at first and will want to help. Get the lowdown on how things work, or what we like at SHF are some good tips to make life a little better.
After the Move
Now that you’ve showered them with attention before and during the move, you have to go back to work. Suddenly there’s a big void. Assuming that they’ve moved to a location near you, consider setting aside certain evenings and weekend days for the next few months where you can run errands, stop by to help out, or just go out to eat. Don’t focus all of your time on the chores.
If there are other family members in the area, enlist their aid. Assisted living communities have activities coordinator. Talk to her and see what she suggests that your parent may like to do to get involve in their new neighborhood. But don’t push it. It takes time to become comfortable in the new surroundings.
After all this advice, the final tip is to keep an eye on your own mental health. Clearly removing the stress from a loved one can put it on your own shoulders. You may be better prepared to take it than a senior, but you have your limits too. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and find some time for yourself.
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