Time to Give up the Keys?
One of the most memorable and gut wrenching discussions that I have had with my Mom in recent years focused on her driving. Like many seniors who are suffering from chronic pain and disabilities, eventually the time came when it really wasn’t safe for her to be driving anymore. Knowing that she wouldn’t want to hear this first from her daughter, I relied on the support, experience and tact of a fantastic geriatrician that she has grown to really respect and like (the two do not always go hand-in-hand with her).
A January 18, 2008 CNN article entitled, “When Dad Should Stop Driving” provides some good advice on how to go about having “the talk.” They recommend:
- Keep in mind how you would feel if you were in your parent’s place
- Keep a record of any driving “incidents” that have led you to believe it might be time for your parent to stop driving
- Ensure that family members are trained in the art of open, honest, and non-accusatory approaches in addressing the issue
- Come up with a plan for your parent to slowly curtail their driving (e.g., no highway driving, no driving over 45 mph, no child passengers, etc.)
- Agree on circumstances that will signal it is time to stop driving altogether
The article also provides a comprehensive list of questions you should ask yourself if you are beginning to suspect that it is time for your parent to give up driving.
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Also try demonstrating to aging parents how they can maintain their independence even after driving retirement. Here in the San Francisco Bay Area we have SilverRide (http://www.silverride.com) who combines senior transportation with lifestyle concierge services. Their driver companions are not just specially trained to accommodate senior needs, but also, are encouraged to connect with their clients, accompany them on errands, and even participate in activities, much like friends or family members. SilverRide maintains a personalized client profile so their lifestyle concierges can suggest and arrange senior activities that will keep a client engaged in the community. Showing aging parents that independence and activity need not be sacrificed after the give up the car keys, can help this inevitable decision.
Katherine Freund, Founder and President of ITNAmerica—a national non-profit delivering dignified transportation to seniors for over a decade, talks about her own experience having this conversation with her parents on her blog (http://blog.itnamerica.org/). Her multi-part personal account relates her experience every step of the way, and offers tips and suggestions for how to have the same positive results with your loved ones when the time to give up the car keys comes.